Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Praying

I am online starting my job search, hoping to stay near Houston. I can't help thinking how things were the last time I worked. The money was very good (I had actually peaked for my profession), I was seeing the manager of the watering hole near my motel. She was a knock-out, an East Texas beauty queen. I spoiled her. Home made dinner of steak, fresh lobster and homemade chocolate covered strawberries. She like sports and I dressed her in the latest jerseys, put diamonds in her ear and around her neck. I could not say the word no to this girl.

I was in the emergency room and my family was there, she was on her way to see me. She came and we talked. I went on to spend a few days each week in the hospital. We sent each other text messages. She called me twice. Never visited me in the hospital again. I lost my health, my job ($$$), and the girl in the span of a few days. I can not help but wonder if one was tied to the other. Yeah right! She is back in Midland and I am back on my feet. I made it through my ordeal with family, friends and prayers. I prayed as well, sometimes for her.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Awake in the morning like a normal person

Almost normal. Awake at 4 am made breakfast of bacon, and potatoes for my brother-in-law and kids. Get the girls up for school. Take the trash outside to the curb. Wait at the door for my nieces to get on the school bus. Little man goes to school later so I let him sleep in. I make and pack his lunch, see he has his backpack and homework than drive him to school. He is giving me driving directions from his car seat (something about a car seat in MY truck does'nt seem right, my child is 22 years old.) Back at the house I try to do some housework. Have 92.9 on the radio and a Coca-Cola in my hand, it's almost like liquid speed. I am scrubbing shelves in the refrigerator. Pick up the boy in 3 hours, already called two plumbing companies, I am getting ready for a June comeback. After spending the day in the hospital I usually am confined to bed for the next few days, not today maybe thats a sign that this nightmare called cancer is almost over.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Facebook

It's 4 pm. and I am still awake after getting my nieces ready for school at 7:30 this morning. I have not taken a nap and slept restlessly last night. You should be saying "So what?" Thats what I would say two years ago, but that is going from baby steps, to skipping down the sidewalk for me. Now if I can get some energy I might progress to jogging down the sidewalk. That last sentence can be taken literally.

Facebook can be fun. If you are a member and go to your home page you can read your friends post. There is some funny sh*t on there. Whats bad is that most people are not trying to be funny. I can't believe they put some of the things out there for the world to see. My life has become an open book over the last couple of years, I have shared my experiences and it has helped some people but it helped me get through some dark times. There is something soothing about being able to speak about what scares you to a keyboard. Most entries you may have read are topics I might not ever be able to speak to someone face to face. My life has truly become a journey.


Bellaire cop just found "not guilty" of shooting a minority. Tsk, tsk..

This weekend was Mothers Day, got me to thinking...My mom birthed and gave life to me. My sister is my bone marrow donor, she gave life to me. So does that mean my sister would be "my other mother"? Things that make you say hmmm??

Wow, it's almost five o'clock and I am still awake. This blogging thing really is good for me. I want to stay up til nine and sleep through the night. So that means I have about four hours of Facebooking to do. See you there.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Saturday Night and I ain't got nobody,,,,


This is Saturday, actually it is two hours and 42 minutes into Mothers Day. I did good by waking up at 10 am I made it through the day til 8pm when I hoped to go to bed and wake up even earlier on Sunday. I was asleep at nine pm. but found myself up at midnite unable to sleep. Thats with taking a sleeping pill and some sedatives. Cable at 3 am is full of crime - drama, cold cases, jails. I hope it will make me sleepy enough to get back in bed.

I have been looking at the classifieds for positions in my field. They are there, I hope to stay near Houston. The last few years have helped build a bond between my family and I. My daughter is a young lady with a life of her own. I keep a cell phone that is mainly used to keep in contact with her. Just a brief hello or a texted "good morning" is enough to make my day. I have been fortunate enough to live at my cousins home. Three years ago was the birth of their daughter and seeing her grow up brings back memories, how fast time goes by. I wish I knew now back than, I could have been a better parent, father. Learn from mistakes, and that I did, I just wish it did not take four decades to attain the knowledge I want to share with her now. As time goes by I find myself sounding more and more like my parents. The worry alone keeps me awake. My folks raised three children, I know I gave them heartache and worry. Never purposely but now that I am a father the weekends scare me, will she be careful, will others be careful. It is tough being a parent. Thanks to my mother can never be enough, she gave life, raised and cared for me. I hope some of my mothers skills rub off on me. If you are reading this, Happy Mothers day, Mom.


Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Underwear

This is my first post on a new blog. For a little over two years I have been hosting a website www.IHaveMDS.com where I tried to share my experiences. A year, a month, a week and five days after having a stem cell transplant I am trying to get on with my life.

Yesterday I did a load of laundry and was reminded of how long it has been since I had total independence. Of 14 pairs of underwear, I had not purchased a single one. Living weeks and months confined to a hospital room and pajamas I had liitle need for clothes. My mother visited and cared for me during this time. She always brought me things. Magazines, socks and underwear. That's alot of hospital stays. Thats a strange feeling, not being able to purchase your own underwear. Never thought of it til now. With limited resources buying my own boxers falls pretty low on my priority list.

Today I edged the yard, not a major task but I was in the sun and getting some cardio in. Feels good to sweat. The obstacle called sleep continues to emerge. My body is doing it but at the wrong times. I have begun replenishing my tool box. In the opening months of my illness I tried to keep up with my medical bills which quickly dried up what savings I had managed to build. So pawn shops became a major source of income as I saw one tool after the other go into hock until I could go back to work and get it out. I would have never guessed it would have been 25 months and counting until I am gainfully employed again.

Cancer can take many things from you besides your health. Dignity is soon lost as you find that you are now dependent on others for shelter, food, and living expenses. For an independent prideful person that may hurt worse than some chemotherapy treatments. It did & does for me. I work with my hands and find it embarassing when I meet someone new and shake hands. I am complimented on the softness of my palms. These are not mine, the hands I know are calloused, blistered, or cut. They should show signs of labor. The medications I am on state that I should avoid prolonged exposure to the sun. I tried to play a round of golf only to find the sun gave me headaches and nausea. One of the drawback of taking so many pills.

Summer is here and I hope my immune system is soon strong enough that I will no longer need so many medications and that my doctor feels it is safe for me to go back into workforce. I feel so strong at times and act like I did before, only to find that the next few days I will be cramping, sleeping, and fighting nausea.

There is a second chapter to my life that is beginning, consider this the prelogue. My life has been a journey with the most turbulent times being the last few years. I have survived in part by prayers and warm wishes from family, friends and new acquaintenaces. Hopefully that support continues and I can share some good chapters of my life.

I think you can subscribe to this blog and it will be emailed to you when it is updated. I hope you do, because I could not have made it this far without you.