Sunday, June 20, 2010

3 days short of 15 months post transplant

I am afraid to sleep. Today is Fathers Day. I spent it with my father, daughter and other family members. My daughter gave me a new pair of Wranglers and a new billfold. Both items that I will need when I begin my life after cancer. My stomach is acting strange, it is doing things that is has not done since I was in the hospital receiving heavy chemotherapy.

I do not get to spend much time with my daughter, she is a young woman now and has a busy life so I tried to be well. My insides had a plan of there own. The bathroom was occupied so I ran outside, and it was not pretty. I had not been able to eat all day so it was mostly liquid. The rest of the day was spent in a fog. Feeling lightheaded I decided to call it a day and get some rest. I drink some water and the nausea came back with a vengeance. I barely made it to the toilet, before my mouth started spewing out fluids with gut wrenching force.

I am lying down, on my stomach afraid to fall asleep because I might have that feeling again and choke in my sleep. It is 3 days shorts of 15 months since my transplant. The medications still have side effects on me. I am so hungry but know what food would do to me at this time. I have been trying to get my life prepared for the day I can return to work. I am taking correspondence classes and spending more time volunteering with the Blood Bank, but a day like today knocks me back a few pegs.

How can I construct a million dollar project and supervise 20 men when I can not drink water without becoming so sick I find myself curled in a fetal position, sweating yet being so cold. Perhaps in the next month I will make the final turn to recovery. As has been the norm, each day is full of suprises and I pray for the best but am prepared for the worse. When am I going to be called a survivor? This hangs over and in me.

1 comment:

  1. Roger...You have tackled cancer publicly, shared your story, and made everyone aware that life is worth fighting for!! I thank you so much for sharing your love for life! It really makes one think about what we often take for granted! You are truly an agent of social change, as your battle has never been about you, the individual, but rather it has been inclusive of all those with battles much like yours. I am so very proud to call you my friend. <3 ya my friend!!