I refuse to let cancer define me as a person. It will not be what is rememnered of me when I am gone. My experience with it has made me stronger, not physically, yet. But mentally and more determined. There is too much out there to be hindered and shackled by this illness. I received a transplant over a year ago that has allowed me to discontinue what were weekly and bi-weekly blood transfusions. My immune system was obliterated and I had to start from scratch. I am still on antibiotics, antifungals, antivirus and just about every other anti medicine that can be prescribed.
I want to wake up before dawn and prepare my lunch. Put on my Wranglers, boots and a Commit for Life T-shirt. Drive my truck to a muddy field that I will help convert to a hospital, school or other building. I need to transform these smooth palms to the blistered, calloused hands that grip pipe wrenches as if it were second nature. To feel the sweat drip down the back and hoping for a slight breeze to cool you down. The weight of my hard hat multiplying as the day progresses. This is what a man should be doing.
After receiving only my second round of vaccinations this has been placed on hold. All I can do is try and fight the lethargy that the prescriptions bring. Try to regulate my sleep so that I am not awake at midnight and taking naps like a child during the day. I am having to learn to control my anxiety.